


Wordpicture: Andrew Brown, M.D.

by Deannie



Series: Wordpictures [19]
Category: Everwood
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-08-27
Updated: 2003-08-27
Packaged: 2017-12-18 09:23:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/878237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deannie/pseuds/Deannie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He doesn't see her anymore...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wordpicture: Andrew Brown, M.D.

He doesn't see her anymore. He doesn't turn around in the night to see her smiling at him. She doesn't wait beside the bed for him to get in.  


Sometimes, if he listens carefully, she still speaks to him, though. Usually it's to give him hell for the way he's dealing with Ephram, or to praise him for a job well done. Sometimes it's just a whisper of I love you when he needs to hear it most.  


God, he never thought he'd miss her this much. It's like a hole in his heart that he can't find a surgeon to fix. But then, Julia always told him that surgeons can't fix everything.  


And she was right, of course. The hole is there, and it always will be. It'll lie there, black and empty, as his heart fills with Delia and Ephram and their lives and eventually (God help him) their kids and their love... _Her_ love's still there, thank God. Bright and warm, it gets him through the worst of it all. It comforts him and brings her closer to him and makes him miss her all at once.  


Sometimes, he wishes the love would fade, along with the pain. If he didn't remember how she loved him, he wouldn't have to remember how badly he messed everything up, right? That night still blares through his dreams; the way he stood, dumbfounded, in the foyer as they tried to explain it all to him.  


Ephram blamed him... for a while. He still blames himself, but he tells himself that's normal. It's normal to feel that you should have been there. Especially because he _should_ have.  


But the blame isn't something he can wallow in, is it? Not when there are children to be looked after and a job to be done.  


He works and lives, now, without the ghost of her beside him. But he hopes, in those darkest hours of the night, that she's looking down on him--on _them_ , on the family he's tried to nurture in the ashes of her death. And he hopes she knows he's doing his best...  


And he prays that it's enough.

* * *  
The End


End file.
